Category Archives: women

Things My Mother Taught Me

In honor of my mother, here are a few of  the things I learned from her.
1.  How to tie my shoes.
2.  How to sing.
3.  How to tell time.
4.  How to roller skate.
5.  How to build a tree house.
6.  How to fold clothes.
7.  How to clean the bathroom.
8.  How to play the piano.
9.  How to harvest wild rice.
10.  How to say no.
11.  How to operate a sewing machine.
12.  How to make popcorn balls.
13.  How to forgive.
14.  How to be an example.
15.  How to be a daughter.
16.  How to be honest.
17.  How to be understanding.
18.  How to be compassionate.
19.  How to be a loving spouse.
20.  How to pursue your dreams.
21.  How to be spiritual.
22.  How to stay married.
23.  How to show love to those who are important to you.
24.  How to grieve.
25.  How to grow old gracefully.

Thanks mom,  Happy Mother’ Day!
Drpers ©  2010

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Mom, I want to find my birth mother…

Every adopted parent wonders if the time will come when your adopted child will want to search and/or find his/her birth mother and father.   My time has finally come.

My son announced in December that he and his wife are expecting.  Baby check ups have led to my son wondering more about his hereditary health issues.  A phone conversation with him this month, led to a discussion about his birth mother. 

I have known a few things about her.  She was 14 years old at the time, a big factor in her decision.  Her parents had just had twins, so they felt they couldn’t afford another child at the time.   When my son would occasionally ask about his birth mother when growing up, I tried to answer as honestly and positively as I could. 

In this conversation, I told him that I had some pictures of her and other children.  Through the adoption agency, she sent a letter and pictures.  He has two sisters and a fourth child was on its way in 1994.   He was 10 years old and I thought too young to be given these pictures. He is now 24 and finding out for the first time that I’ve had this info.

He indicated that he would like to pursue locating her.  I took a package of adoption records and info to the post office today, the pictures too.  I feel most sad that I am not able to be with him and share in those moments when he views those pictures.   He lives too far away and I will not see him till late August.  He thought he would have more time now to start the process before the baby arrives.  And so it goes.       

This is just another step in the journey.  I have mixed emotions of course, and will write more about that in another post.

© 2008 drpers

A dad, a daughter and her power tools…

My dad and mom had three daughters and I am the one with the power tools. Maybe because I was the oldest, or the only one interested, Dad showed me how to run his power tools. Imagine… a woman that knows how to operate power tools!

This was in the late 60s and I wonder if my dad ever thought of himself as a feminist! It was amazing to me that my father was willing to share this knowledge and it didn’t matter that I was a girl! He showed me how to operate the drill press, grinder, the radial arm saw (my favorite), the table, saber and skill saws.

I would help him when he needed an extra pair of hands when he was trying to fix equipment. It was important to learn the names of different wrenches so that I could hand him the proper one and size when he asked for it. He was a self employed logger in the north woods. Machines and equipment would break daily. I didn’t like getting dirty, but I treasured the time with my dad.

Later in life, there were several times when dad and I would decide to stop at Menard’s or Home Depot and “just look around.” We didn’t’ really have to be purchasing something, we just found it enjoyable to look at what was available, new tools, new supplies for building. Better than being in a candy shop as we use to say!

My dad made his transition to everlasting life this past December. I thought of him when I installed a new rack for the garden hose yesterday. I could do it because Dad taught me. He taught me that I could do the unconventional. Women could do things that had been reserved for men, in the past.

Dad taught me confidence. I could enter a male dominated school and profession, I could adopt a child, I could provide for my family. There was something powerful in learning to operate power tools.  I’ll always be grateful to dear dad for his support and encouragement.   ©2007

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Kerry: Some people stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid of what will happen if they leave, and the changes that will follow.

dr pers: Some stay because they don’t think they have enough economical resources of their own, to “go it alone.”

Kerry: Some stay in abusive partnerships because they have become “comfortable with the uncomfortable.” In other words, “it is hard being in this relationship, but it’s all I know and I’m stuck with it”.

dr pers: Some stay because of religious beliefs and cultural backgrounds.

Kerry: Some try to cope, try to change their partners or hope that their partner will change on their own. All I can say about waiting for your partner to change is, “let me know how that goes”.

While this list is rather simple, we acknowledge the issues are more complex.