Category Archives: sexual orientation

Rejected for being heterosexual…

An old friend is one of the most moral, ethical people I have known. Her main fault is that she is Canadian (laughing to myself)!  She is a life skills counselor, does group therapy for federal parolees, counsels drop ins, and arranges housing for newly released prisoners. Day in and day out she deals with chemical addiction, child neglect, spouse abuse, and helping people sort out their options.

No matter how filthy and disgusting a client may be, she treats them with respect and dignity. “After all” she says, “they are human beings like everyone else.”  My friend has a true desire to help people make changes and cope with life.

She is a single parent to a kind, sensitive, young man.  He is the kind of guy you’d like your daughter to date. (Please don’t ask for his phone number.  lol)

Through many phone calls and email, I tried to support my friend thru the illness and death of her brother. He was ill for at least two years and was in much pain the last three months of his life. My friend would work a stressful day and then spend several hours at the hospital with her brother. When others in the family could not stand to visit him and see him in such pain, she would go to comfort and hold him.

Not only is she talented, but a compassionate, ethical human being. Yet, there are some who would reject her because of one tiny factor…. she is heterosexual!  Imagine…. not seeing the beautiful person that she is because of her sexual orientation!  If I were just fibbing and she’s lesbian, would it make any difference?     ©2007  dr pers


How many heterosexuals chose to be straight?

Would you straight folks do me a kind favor and just briefly share with me in 3 sentences or less, when you made a conscious decision to be attracted to the opposite sex?

Yes, a simple poll, nothing real scientific,  just a little blogging research.  I would be most appreciative and most interested to learn of your earliest decision to go opposite?     dr pers  ©2007

Sexual orientation or sexual preference…

“Sexual orientation or sexual preference”  was a phrase that caught my eye last week in surfing the internet.   As I continued to think about this question, I realized I have used sexual preference  numerous times in conveying information about myself.

What has me bothered is that I have used words that convey that I had a choice.   I do not prefer women like I prefer coke over pepsi, democrat over republican or Christian over Muslim.   I was drawn to the female population at a young age and never had a choice.  It came naturally.

I’ve realized with horror that I’ve used words given to me by society to convey something about myself that is not true.   I am wondering where the popular phrase of “sexual preference” came from?  Maybe some of you know of its origin?

From now on,  I will be using sexual orientation,  or possibly sexual identity.  It is a part of who I am,  much like my unique characteristics or personality.   Maybe if we all stop using sexual preference and replace it with orientation or identity, more people will stop thinking of it as a choice?    ©2007  dr pers

A mother’s fierce love for her gay son

While my parents have always been suportive of me, even in my coming out, the following editorial reflects the unusual courage of a mother in Vermont. I don’t know how I missed this seven years ago, but it still holds it’s fire power.

This editorial is from Sunday’s Concord Monitor.
Sunday, April 30, 2000
By Sharon Underwood
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

As the mother of a gay son, I’ve seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve taken enough from you good people.

I’m tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn’t bear to continue living any longer, that he didn’t want to be gay and that he couldn’t face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don’t know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn’t put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse.  God gave you brains so that you could think, and it’s about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won’t get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don’t know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I’m puzzled.  Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?  If that’s not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I’ll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true Vermonters.”

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn’t give their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn’t the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can’t bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests  would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?”

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?                                                           Sharon Underwood lives in White River Junction, Vt.  USA

  *dr pers salutes the courage of Sharon Underwood!

When I told my son I was a lesbian…

Not many parents look forward to telling their teens about their sexual orientation, this was no exception. From the time he was little, I used books as a springboard to discuss sexual issues. Whenever he asked a question, I answered matter of factly.  I had hoped that this would lay the foundation for discussions or questions about sex when he was older.

I met a woman online and was becoming seriously interested in her.  I felt that it was time to prepare my son for some questions that may arise.

In his 15 years, I had not dated anyone.  With a busy career and single parenting, my life was full.   He was aware that I had been chatting with some friends online. I shared with him that one of them was soon coming to visit.

Explaining that I had been thru a great deal of soul searching the last couple of years, I finally had come to the realization that I was a lesbian.  He calmly looked at me and hardly reacted.  I told him that  the online friend was also lesbian. It was my hope that he would be friendly and respectful to her. His response was, “that is fine, as long as she isn’t interested in you!”  I smiled and said, “we’ll see, you might like her too.”

After a few days of nothing, no comments, I cornered him after school.  I said, “you haven’t mentioned anything more about my Canadian friend who is coming next weekend.  Are you upset, do you have any more questions about my being a lesbian?”  He said, “mom, if I told you that I was gay, you’d accept me.  Why wouldn’t I accept you?”    In my eyes, my son became a gentle giant that day.         © 2007   dr pers