Category Archives: lesbians

After 15 years, it’s hard to believe we are still together.

We will be celebrating our 15th anniversary this May.  It is surprising to me that we are still together.  We are so different in many ways.  We have not married but we are committed.

She is warm blooded, I am cold blooded.  This causes problems in the car and house.  She is in a tank top, sandals and shorts, I have on long pants, merrell mocs and a sweatshirt.

She loves dogs, wanted two of them to sleep in bed with us,  I didn’t.   I endured until both died.  We have been dog free for 3 years but that will change in the near future.

She is politically conservative, I was liberal.  Times have changed and I now see the ineffectiveness and hypocrisy of liberalism.  Issue resolved.

I was active in the church, she wasn’t.  This has provided many interesting discussions and we attend church occasionally.  This is mostly due to my profound hearing loss and the difficulty of hearing what is being said.  We are on the same page:   faith is an important part of our lives.  Issue resolved.

I adopted a son as an infant, she came into our lives when he was a junior in high school.  Her upbringing was much, much tougher than mine and that was reflected in our parenting styles.  I would say that we complemented each other.  The challenge this raises now,  is who to leave certain assets to, in my will.  I imagine this is an issue for other couples where one has children, and the other doesn’t.

It is difficult for us to work together.  We are both strong women and have opinions on how things should be done.  Inevitably, one starts to boss the other.  When its time to do yard work, we work on separate projects.   We take breaks together, admire our landscaping, then return to our separate areas.  Yes, we help each other when it comes to heavy lifting.  Issue resolved.

Vacations were important to me,  not to her.  She saw them as a waste of money.  After three years together, she saw the value of traveling and relaxing from a stressful job.  Issue resolved.

Three years ago, the decision to get our motorcycle endorsements and purchase motorcycles was a time of conflict.   She thought it would be so much fun.  Our friends agreed with me, that it was a high risk activity.  She was determined.  With fear and trepidation,  I finally gave in.   She financed the cost and it has turned out that we have had some wonderful vacations and time spent together on our Honda Shadows.  I thank God every time we return safely from a ride.   We are in our early sixties and not sure how much longer we will ride.  Issue somewhat resolved.

What has kept us together in spite of our differences?   Let it be said,  every couple has problems, that is a given.  Yes, we still love each other after 15 years. However,  love is often not enough.  A long term relation ship usually needs other shared values.

We mostly agree on finances, what to spend money on.  We both are cautious in our spending.  If you have big differences in this area, it can be a big problem.

We both value monogamy and are sensitive to not flirting with others or causing doubts about our faithfulness.  We have two couple friends who also value monogamy and that helps in our socialization.  I had to be out of state for a total of three-four months last year, due to elderly mother issues.  I had no doubts that  i could trust my partner during my absence.

Another big thing that we appreciate about each other, is that we feel supported.  She loves landscaping and gardening,  I went along with it,  dug out lots of clay, built a large raised bed, laid paving stone, stacked rock, etc.   She wanted to play the flute, learn to bead,  fine with me.  I wanted to play the Ukulele,  she bought a beautiful instrument for me.  When I became interested in digital photography and Photoshop,  she made sure I had the appropriate equipment.  When one wants to get together with our family members,  the other supports it.  She has had a stressful job with long hours for 11 years.  I don’t complain.  I do most of the household, shopping, errands and yard work, so our weekends are free to play or relax.  It is a wonderful feeling when you feel supported in your choices.  It encourages freedom and trust in a relationship.

I’ve told my son and daughter-in-law, “there might occasionally  be somebody who looks better than the one you got.  The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.”  However, remember that the new mate will not be problem free,  just different issues.  Before you jeopardize your present relationship,  be sure that the present problems are an absolute deal breaker.  The “greener grass” may provide worse problems than you have now.  Be careful what you wish for!

I know its downright personal, but if you are in a long term relationship,  what has kept you together?

drp ©2016




Choosing Sexual Orientation

There still seems to be a lot of people who think that gay people choose their orientation.

My nephew asked his mom (my sister), how it was that my partner came to be a part of our family?  He  finally noticed that she came with me regularly to family events and she seemed to fit in.  My sister   decided it was time to tell him that I was a lesbian.

He did not have any extreme or shocking reaction, but his question was rather typical.  He asked if I had dated guys much in high school, which I hadn’t, so he thought that was an explanation for not liking men.  I just didn’t have enough experience with the opposite sex!

There are those who tend to think that one needs to date the opposite sex, or just haven’t met the “right” opposite sex to ring your bells.  So let’s reverse this kind of logic for the straight individual.

1.  Does a straight person need to date and fool around with the same sex in order to know whom he/she is attracted to?   Seems kind of ridiculous doesn’t  it?

2.  If you are straight, at what age did you choose  to be attracted to the opposite sex?   Not many straight people I know can answer that.  So why are there people who think we made a choice about our sexual orientation?

Yes, there are some in the world who go back and forth between same sex and opposite sex.  It sure seems like its a choice, doesn’t it?  There are also many of us, who stick regularly with the opposite sex, or same sex, and it wasn’t a conscious choice.

No, most people don’t choose their sexual orientation.

dr pers  © 2009


gays are worse threat to America than terrorism…

I am sorry to say I live in Oklahoma where State Representative Sally Kerns believes that “homosexuality is a bigger threat to America than terrorism or Islam.”  While the following letter to Rep. Kern is rather lengthy for a post, its definitely worth your time. It was written by an Oklahoma high school senior.


Rep Kern:

“On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would’ve likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn’t live up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worse than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you’ll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother’s killer was a better person than a group of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they’ve been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I’ve spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there’s never a day in school that has went by when I haven’t heard the word **** slung at someone. I’ve been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They’ve already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. After all, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could’ve met my mom. Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won’t be there. So I’ll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again. I don’t want to be here for that. I just can’t go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.”




homosexuals are a bigger threat than terrorists…

The recorded remarks against homosexuals by OK State Rep. Sally Kern has set off a firestorm this past week. Rep. Kern said earlier this year that homosexuals are “the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.” OK House Speaker Chris Benge said there are no plans to censure her or have her apologize.

An open letter to Rep. Kern:

“Dear Rep. Kern,

Your remarks about homosexuals being the greatest threat to America is completely outrageous and lacks significant substance.

I imagine if you and I met face to face, and you knew that I was a mother of a U.S. Marine, who has completed two tours to Iraq, you would express your gratefulness for our family’s sacrifice and your appreciation for his commitment and dedication.

How is it then, that this Christian lesbian mother who has raised a courageous U.S. Marine, who taught him Christian values, who took him to Church regularly, who inspired him to be his best in “body, mind and soul,” is such a tremendous threat to you and other Americans?

Has it ever occurred to you, that I am the woman that sits next to you in church,the woman who smiled at you as we passed in the grocery store, the woman who held the door for you as you walked thru with your cup of coffee? How is it that I create such fear in your heart?

I am just one of the homosexuals who raised sons and daughters to protect your freedom of speech. Rather ironic isn’t it, that you would use this precious freedom to insult the parents of these brave men and women, who otherwise have similar values to yours?

I hardly think I am a bigger threat to America than terrorism and Islam. If anything, your thoughtless remarks are very revealing of where the real threat lies.

Ms Kern, all of us make mistakes. If you take the time to get to know some of the fine and outstanding people in our community, you will likely realize the error of making such misinformed statements.”

Hopeful for an apology,




Pride parade or freak show?

In a Yahoo group that I belong to, an interesting discussion surfaced about the nature of this year’s Pride Parade. The response that follows was written by a passionate woman named Sarah.

“I will fight to the death for anyone’s right to free speech, including Fred Phelps right to picket faggot funerals… (his words with freedom of speech, not mine).  HOWEVER…. there is also a time and a place for everything.. and letting your butt cheeks hang out in public is never appropriate, nor is tweaked out crystal heads humping their boyfriend of the day, while the local tv films it and says .. oh look at what gay and lesbian people look like and this is what they are proud of…

At my age, and God am I starting to sound old, I want to give people a view of who we are every day. The less shocked they are at who we are and how we behave, the more we will be accepted.  I think it would be an awesome moment in gay and lesbian history if all the teachers showed up dressed to teach, the moms and dads who have children ride a float showing off their families, the firefighters and police officers in uniform, the judges in their robes, the lawyers in their suits and the doctors in their scrubs…. instead of seeing my local firefighter wearing ass less chaps and nothing else.

It is not a FREAK Parade, it’s a PRIDE Parade…. however, it has become a freak parade of nothing more than Drag Queens and Twinkies…. . instead of showing the entire community for what we are as a whole..

As you age, you will also realize you don’t gain acceptance for outlandish behavior, but normal behavior scares the hell out of the straight community. And if we give them the freak parade they want, then we have no one else to blame for the discrimination we suffer…
Fly your freak flag…. just stand over there…..”

(Posted with Sarah’s permission)  ©2008


Finding new friends…

Ever since my partner and I have moved to a new state and city, we have been aware of the need to find new friends. Approaching our second year of new residence, we have become more intentional about attending events where we might make some gay or lesbian friends.

We found a church we like, so we started attending more regularly. We belong to a couple of email groups and attended a few social gatherings. What have we discovered thus far?

The couples that we have had the opportunity to visit with, don’t visit back! We ask them non threatening questions, allow for a lull in the conversation, give them a chance to ask us something, and zippo!  Zero! After one and two hours of not being asked a single question, we are a bit stunned. Nobody seems interested in us.

So we took an inventory:

1. Did we make eye contact? Yes.

2. Did we ask about their interests, family, jobs, how they met? Yes.

3. Were we courteous? Yes.

4, Were we kind? Yes.

5. Did we smile? Yes

6. Toothless grin? No

7. Did we chatter nonstop? No.

8. Ask about money? No.

9. Ask about religion or politics? No.

10. Discuss Sex? No.

Obviously, we are still looking for friends. We have some more possibilities at the church we are attending, but if all else fails, there’s always straight people. I was just hoping at some point in my life, to have a few interesting lesbian friends. Wish us luck!


Where are the good lesbian movies?

Most women appreciate a good love story, especially lesbians.  Unfortunately, the few movies I’ve seen that portray lesbian relationships were dull and simply laughable.   An interesting plot or story line was difficult to find.  The L Word series has been the closest to good entertainment in a long time.

This past Friday, luck was on my side.   Even in the midst of Baptist country,  at my local Blockbusters,  I stumbled upon three movies that had steamy potential.

My partner and I decided after viewing, these three movies were ones that we could actually recommend to our friends!  “The Journey”, is a discovery of love between two young women from India.   It reflects the agony and pressures of conforming to the expectations of one’s culture and family.  The scenery is beautiful too.

“Producing Adults” begins with two women, each involved with men, in unhappy relationships.  Because of various circumstances and working together, they find themselves developing a friendship which eventually leads to love.

Lastly, “Loving Annabelle,” is a story of forbidden love between a student and her teacher.  While the ethics of this relationship is disturbing, I surprisingly found myself longing for them to act on their feelings.   Thank goodness it was only a movie!

“The Journey” and “Producing Adults” are in english subtitles… if that makes any difference.   We also found them to be more sensual than most we’ve seen.   Let me know if you agree or disagree.   Happy viewing!     dr pers

Downright personal is responsible for declining family values…

Thats right… I am taking responsibility for the decline of family values….someone has to!

1. I am clergy in a mainline denomination.
2. I adopted a son.
3. I am partnered with a woman for 6 years.
4. I am a loving daughter and sister.
5. I am lesbian.

I have been faithful to my partner, son, parents and sisters.
Somehow, according to many politicians and religious groups, giving my partner and I equal rights will lead to the decline of marriage and family values. (I always get lost in following this logic).

It just kills me when I hear someone like Newt Gingrich state that a constitutional amendment is needed to protect marriage and the traditional family from someone like me.  Marriage needs to be defended and protected from lesbians like me?
Oh plllllllease!

The decline of the institution of marriage is the result of hetereosexual behavior and attitudes. Newt admitted this month to yet another affair. He is a prime example of the behavior that erodes the institution of marriage.  Yet, he and his kind have the nerve to suggest that my faithful relationship  erodes family values?  Newt is doing enough damage all by himself!!!

Lesbians don’t cause heterosexuals to cheat on their spouses.
Lesbians don’t cause heterosexuals to neglect their children.
Lesbians don’t cause heterosexuals to marry or divorce.

Yes, its so obvious I’m responsible for the decline of marriage and family values!

©2007  dr pers

I met my partner online!

Imagine telling the world you found your partner online!
We’ve all heard stories of individuals lying about their identity and who they are. The internet seems to be saturated with pedophiles, rapists, psychos, heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals!  Can you imagine meeting one of these internet personalities face to face?  It sounds scary!

The first online personality I met was a little cutie from Canada. We shared a similar sense of humor and our online interaction was hilarious.  We had wonderful, serious conversations about our families, values and goals in life.   I “came out” to my family and friends because of this woman.  In spite of being very compatible, the long distance became a deal breaker.  Both of us had sons who were 3-4 years away from hs graduation and we agreed that neither of us should move. While it broke my heart at the time, it wasn’t meant to be.

The second online personality I met, lived three hours away in Chicago.  Both of us had previously dated long distance, so we thought 3 hours would be a breeze!  Wendy was gracious, intelligent, and we too shared similar values.  Her business required that she travel extensively, so her time at home was limited.   After a few months, it became obvious that she was really too busy and closeted for a serious relationship.

After these two experiences, I was not “looking” for any serious involvement.  I had the good fortune to find a lesbian chat room where a regular group of 8-10 lesbians would meet regularly to visit.  There were a lot more women coming and going, but some of us regulars provided the foundation.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to meet a third online personality, a chat friend from Texas.  Texans have an attitude that can only be described by the unofficial motto “don’t mess with Texas.”  She showed up at my condo door one wintry afternoon, with the warmest Texas smile you ever saw.  My life has never been the same since.
dr pers © 2007

Unbelievably, I went to a lesbian chat room…

I expected God to bolt me with lightning when I entered a lesbian chat room!

When my hearing loss began to interfer with my pastoral duties, I moved to an administrative position that required less group communication. The move from a pastoral position began to loosen buried thoughts and emotions.  I began to give myself permission to explore what I had long suspected and suppressed for years.

A big question in my mind was, are there other gay people, other lesbians like me?  The stereotypes portrayed in the media were embarassing. The media often shows gays when they are dressed to the extreme for parades and portrays us as undesirable psychos.  I wanted to know if there were other ordinary-looking professional lesbians who valued monogamy, long term relationships, children, God and community?

As I searched the internet, I eventually ended up at a popular chat site.  It was here that I got to know some wonderful, mature women who had simular values and were also looking for lesbian friendships. For several years I chatted with this group.  Along the way, I became more and more comfortable with who I am and self acceptance.

Yes, there are ordinary, stable, moral, professional lesbians out there with similar values!     dr pers  © 2007