Since spanking wasn’t effective with my son, I began learning about parenting with logical consequences. The consequence must be related or appropriate to what the problem is. In other words, you don’t take away TV privileges for coming home late. A logical consequence of coming home late from a friend’s house is not being able to go to a friend’s house! A logical consequence of not riding your bike safely, is not being able to ride your bike!

We lived on a street that was about three blocks long, no cross streets or intersections. This was pretty safe for young children to ride their bikes, skateboard, etc. BJ was about 5 or 6, and I think in his first year of riding a two wheeler. I gave firm instructions that he could ride his bike two blocks to the corner, and then turn around. DO NOT go around the corner because I cannot see you. I repeated this several times. I watched the first time or two, and then went inside and watched from the living room window. It was not long, and he didn’t return. I walked out to the curb… looked down the street… no BJ! Before I could walk the two blocks down to the end, around the corner he came, pedaling hard. Grrrrrrrr …

The consequence for going around the corner, was not being able to ride his bike for a week.

After a week, the bike came out, I went thru the same pep talk. You can ride up and down, up and down, up and down, but DO NOT go around the corner. Within a half hour, he went around the corner. The bike was put up again.

I could not simply put the bike in the garage… as he would try to sneak it out. I had to suspend it in the air with a rope. One day, I found him in the garage with a neighbor kid, standing on a chair, trying to untie the rope. Thankfully, I caught them or they both might have brain damage from a falling bike! Sorry, but another week was added to the consequence for trying to untie the bike. Two more weeks pass without riding his bike. Oh my, how he howled!

Finally, two weeks are up, and BJ gets to ride his bike! Mom is excited too! I get down to his level, look him in the eye and say, “ok son, you can ride your bike, up and down, up and down, up an down, but DO NOT go around the corner! Do you understand? Do you understand that your bike will be put up again if you go around the corner? “ “Yes mom,” he nodded his little head. I breathed a sigh of relief. My precious pumpkin, his sweet smile and the light in his eyes gave me hope. He’s finally learned his lesson! “Go to it son! Enjoy your bike! Remember, DON”T go around the corner!”

“No mama, I won’t.”

An hour later, I look out the window, no BJ. I walk out to the curb, no BJ!    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I walk down and around the corner, there he is, a few houses away, playing in a yard with another child.  Exasperated, I picked up his bike and walked it back to our house. He came running after me, crying the whole way. The tears ran down my face as I took his bike to the basement and suspended it from the ceiling.

The bike stayed in the basement for a whole summer month that time. Parenting is exhausting… but we can’t give up. Their future depends on our persistence. They don’t call it “tough love” for nothing.

dr pers ©2007

When everyone else was standing up and cheering because their son hit a home run or just shot a three pointer, I think it was quite an accomplishment for a 15 year old to be able to walk gracefully in a shoe size that was almost as big as he was old!

If you see a tall, dark, handsome young man with a smile that causes hearts to skip a beat, that’s my boy! He wore his cap backwards which I kind of liked because I could see his face better. He’s got a great face and he should be proud of it!

My boy is the one with the few manly, scruffy hairs on his chin that he calls a beard. He wore those wide legged jeans with the crotch hanging down to his knees. I am proud that his pants have never dropped, or at least I have never witnessed it. And if they have, I don’t want to know about it. When one wears such low hanging pants, you’ve got to have cool boxers. My boy is the one with the trendy underwear!

My son is the one who would have a plateful of chicken, rice and green beans for supper. Half an hour later he was fixing two hotdogs. An hour after that…. a ham sandwich. Through all of this, 2 quarts of juice have disappeared. And then he has the nerve to complain that we never had any food in the house! Yep… that’s my boy!

Just as I was about to leave work one day, he called to remind me to pick up some food for supper. I agreed to do so and hung up. Before I could get out of the office, the phone rang and it was him again. He said, “did you hear what I said?” I replied, “yes, I will bring home some food.” He said, “I meant the other thing. “ And I said, “what other thing?” “You hung up when I was telling you that I loved you.” I stopped dead in my tracks.  “Yes ,“ he said… “ I called back to tell you I love you.”

That’s my boy… on his way to becoming a man!

(Dedicated today to my son on his  23rd birthday… while he serves his country in a second deployment to Iraq.)   ©2007   dr pers