Category Archives: humor

Who Is The Threat to Traditional Marriage?

The following Letter to the Editor of the Oklahoma Gazette was written in response to another irrational commentary written by Rep. Sally Kern in the June 24th, 2009 OK Gazette.

Who is the threat to traditional marriage?
According to the State of our Unions 2005 report, 8.1% of coupled households consist of unmarried heterosexual partners. I am confused. I am trying to figure out how the Homos are finding these Heterosexual households and pressuring them to “live together and enjoy wild sex outside the bounds of marriage?” Shame, shame for preying on these innocent and vulnerable heterosexual partners.

The gay community is responsible for impregnating unwed mothers?
Same sex marriage isn’t legal in Oklahoma, yet ”forty plus percent of Oklahoma babies are born to unmarried mothers.” Who wants to guess how many of those unwed mothers are heterosexual? I am trying to figure out how the Homos and Lesbos are finding these unmarried women and impregnating them? Shame, shame, shame. Or might this be attributed to some heterosexual males? According to Rep. Sally Kern, “their bodies naturally fit together.

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Finding new friends…

Ever since my partner and I have moved to a new state and city, we have been aware of the need to find new friends. Approaching our second year of new residence, we have become more intentional about attending events where we might make some gay or lesbian friends.

We found a church we like, so we started attending more regularly. We belong to a couple of email groups and attended a few social gatherings. What have we discovered thus far?

The couples that we have had the opportunity to visit with, don’t visit back! We ask them non threatening questions, allow for a lull in the conversation, give them a chance to ask us something, and zippo!  Zero! After one and two hours of not being asked a single question, we are a bit stunned. Nobody seems interested in us.

So we took an inventory:

1. Did we make eye contact? Yes.

2. Did we ask about their interests, family, jobs, how they met? Yes.

3. Were we courteous? Yes.

4, Were we kind? Yes.

5. Did we smile? Yes

6. Toothless grin? No

7. Did we chatter nonstop? No.

8. Ask about money? No.

9. Ask about religion or politics? No.

10. Discuss Sex? No.

Obviously, we are still looking for friends. We have some more possibilities at the church we are attending, but if all else fails, there’s always straight people. I was just hoping at some point in my life, to have a few interesting lesbian friends. Wish us luck!


Making your child go to church…

When you are a pastor, it’s a good idea if your child goes to church with you. I am sure everybody understands that the pastor tries to set an example for other parents.  After all, if the pastor can’t get her or his kid to church, all the other parents are off the hook too.

Getting children to church when they are young, is not a problem, at least it wasn’t for me. My young son accepted it as a normal part of the routine on Sunday mornings. Since I was in the pulpit and single, there were several families that would have him sit with them. He was loved and cared for by many.

Fast forward to the teen age years. It was my experience, that getting a teenager to church is where the real challenge lies. The junior high years were not too difficult, because there were several cute girls at church that were always interested in him. He loved the attention.

At about 15 and 16 years of age, there was a bit of rebellion. He wasn’t so sure that he believed all that church stuff… and I said that was okay. God would still be waiting for him, if he changed his mind. That lasted a couple of Sundays.

It happened that my son loved to have breakfast at McDonalds. When he was elementary age, we started the ritual of eating at McDs before church. When the girls became less interesting, he still liked McDs. He knew that if he missed church, he missed breakfast… so sometimes that was a motivation to attend too.

As he became an older teen, I appealed to his reasoning. I explained to him, that all week, he and I were doing separate things, he with his friends, I with my work. Worship was one family activity we did together… once a week. I was no longer in the pulpit and I enjoyed sitting with him. There were times, when this 17 year old would lean his head on my shoulder and go to sleep! Yes… right during church! I was a bit surprised… but loved it. There were choir members who loved it too… they probably wished their teenagers would do the same! Since I missed so many times of sitting with him in church, it was a precious, tender time.

When my teenager was too tired to go to church, there was one final principle that I held to. I understood being tired and needing a morning to sleep in. However, if he was too tired to go to church, he was too tired to do anything else that day. The days that he didn’t go to church, he couldn’t go to friend’s house, a movie, etc. It didn’t last for more than a Sunday or two. Sleeping in to miss church meant sleeping in and missing other activities too. Before long, he was back to attending church and knew the day held many more opportunities.

A dad, a daughter and her power tools…

My dad and mom had three daughters and I am the one with the power tools. Maybe because I was the oldest, or the only one interested, Dad showed me how to run his power tools. Imagine… a woman that knows how to operate power tools!

This was in the late 60s and I wonder if my dad ever thought of himself as a feminist! It was amazing to me that my father was willing to share this knowledge and it didn’t matter that I was a girl! He showed me how to operate the drill press, grinder, the radial arm saw (my favorite), the table, saber and skill saws.

I would help him when he needed an extra pair of hands when he was trying to fix equipment. It was important to learn the names of different wrenches so that I could hand him the proper one and size when he asked for it. He was a self employed logger in the north woods. Machines and equipment would break daily. I didn’t like getting dirty, but I treasured the time with my dad.

Later in life, there were several times when dad and I would decide to stop at Menard’s or Home Depot and “just look around.” We didn’t’ really have to be purchasing something, we just found it enjoyable to look at what was available, new tools, new supplies for building. Better than being in a candy shop as we use to say!

My dad made his transition to everlasting life this past December. I thought of him when I installed a new rack for the garden hose yesterday. I could do it because Dad taught me. He taught me that I could do the unconventional. Women could do things that had been reserved for men, in the past.

Dad taught me confidence. I could enter a male dominated school and profession, I could adopt a child, I could provide for my family. There was something powerful in learning to operate power tools.  I’ll always be grateful to dear dad for his support and encouragement.   ©2007

Not realizing the potential…

My partner surprised me recently by giving me two extra wide monitors for my birthday.  Not realizing the potential, I was dumbfounded. What do I need (two) wide monitors for? (I didn’t say this out loud.) In her research, she read that video editing, working in Photoshop, is easier when you have more monitor space. We’ve talked about larger monitors for some time, but I really couldn’t imagine that it would be that big of a deal for the cost involved.

I told my sister, that J gave me two monitors for my birthday and she said, “what do you need two monitors for?” I said, “I am not sure, but J thinks I need them!”

We hooked up one monitor because this is going to require serious desk reorganization. A few days go by, my partner is wondering to herself if she made a big mistake with that big purchase. I open Photoshop several days later and whooooaaaaaa…. is this ever cool. I open up Microsoft Word and whooooaaaaa… is this ever convenient. I open up the video software…. and my lucky stars…. how did I get by with a 17 inch monitor before??

With an extra wide monitor, you can view two normal size pages at the same time, side by side. If you’re cutting and pasting, back and forth between two documents, or comparing information from two different windows, no opening or minimizing, or clicking to see what’s on the page behind. Extra wide means ample room to see numerous windows, which is a great blessing in video editing and Photoshop work.

My partner feels a LOT better that I love these new monitors and am anxious to get the second one hooked up. I told her it just took me a while to realize what a wonderful gift she had given.

This is so true in life isn’t it?  We don’t always recognize our blessings, the potential of our friends, our spouse and family members.  Hopefully, it doesn’t take a crisis to recognize the wonderful gift of those who love you.

What other discipline is there besides spanking?

Since spanking wasn’t effective with my son, I began learning about parenting with logical consequences. The consequence must be related or appropriate to what the problem is. In other words, you don’t take away TV privileges for coming home late. A logical consequence of coming home late from a friend’s house is not being able to go to a friend’s house! A logical consequence of not riding your bike safely, is not being able to ride your bike!

We lived on a street that was about three blocks long, no cross streets or intersections. This was pretty safe for young children to ride their bikes, skateboard, etc. BJ was about 5 or 6, and I think in his first year of riding a two wheeler. I gave firm instructions that he could ride his bike two blocks to the corner, and then turn around. DO NOT go around the corner because I cannot see you. I repeated this several times. I watched the first time or two, and then went inside and watched from the living room window. It was not long, and he didn’t return. I walked out to the curb… looked down the street… no BJ! Before I could walk the two blocks down to the end, around the corner he came, pedaling hard. Grrrrrrrr …

The consequence for going around the corner, was not being able to ride his bike for a week.

After a week, the bike came out, I went thru the same pep talk. You can ride up and down, up and down, up and down, but DO NOT go around the corner. Within a half hour, he went around the corner. The bike was put up again.

I could not simply put the bike in the garage… as he would try to sneak it out. I had to suspend it in the air with a rope. One day, I found him in the garage with a neighbor kid, standing on a chair, trying to untie the rope. Thankfully, I caught them or they both might have brain damage from a falling bike! Sorry, but another week was added to the consequence for trying to untie the bike. Two more weeks pass without riding his bike. Oh my, how he howled!

Finally, two weeks are up, and BJ gets to ride his bike! Mom is excited too! I get down to his level, look him in the eye and say, “ok son, you can ride your bike, up and down, up and down, up an down, but DO NOT go around the corner! Do you understand? Do you understand that your bike will be put up again if you go around the corner? “ “Yes mom,” he nodded his little head. I breathed a sigh of relief. My precious pumpkin, his sweet smile and the light in his eyes gave me hope. He’s finally learned his lesson! “Go to it son! Enjoy your bike! Remember, DON”T go around the corner!”

“No mama, I won’t.”

An hour later, I look out the window, no BJ. I walk out to the curb, no BJ!    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I walk down and around the corner, there he is, a few houses away, playing in a yard with another child.  Exasperated, I picked up his bike and walked it back to our house. He came running after me, crying the whole way. The tears ran down my face as I took his bike to the basement and suspended it from the ceiling.

The bike stayed in the basement for a whole summer month that time. Parenting is exhausting… but we can’t give up. Their future depends on our persistence. They don’t call it “tough love” for nothing.

dr pers ©2007

happy anniversary honey!

Today is our 6th anniversary. Prior to 2001, I knew “marriage” was hard work, but not this hard!

My partner loves to garden… but should not dig holes. Guess who gets to dig holes in rock hard clay? I guess you could say I’m becoming the gardener’s assistant.

My partner loves to sleep with the ceiling fan on its highest setting. She would prefer 66-68 degrees temperature and I am a 72-74 temperature woman. We’ve resolved that by putting a “single” heating blanket on my side of the bed. How I love getting into toasty sheets rather than trying to get to sleep with freezing feet.

When we moved to our present location, my Mexican palate consisted of tacos. My partner loves Tex-Mex and there are three Mexican restaurants to every non Mexican one. I have learned to eat refried beans, quesadillas, Mexican rice, avocados, sopapillas, not a awesome accomplishment, but I’m making progress. Where are we eating tonight? Mexican, of course!

I love to decorate with deer horns. Yes..I came from the North Country, and a woman likes her deer horns! My partner has adjusted and I have my collection lining the walls of our living room. (Let me assure you, its very tastefully done!)

I had a teenager when we joined lives. She had no children. It was quite an adjustment for her. Watching my 23 yr old cry on her shoulder after he was married, was very touching. She has stepped up to the plate and made him feel loved.

Marriage is hard work, but there’s also easy times. I guess its like pedaling a bike up a hill, tough as nails. When reaching the top however, what a joy to coast downhill, what exhilaration and delight! Coasting and uphill pedaling…. it’s hard work at times, but the rewards are worth it. Happy anniversary honey!    dr pers ©2007

See:  Ten reasons to marry or partner:

That’s my boy (being thankful for the little things!)

When everyone else was standing up and cheering because their son hit a home run or just shot a three pointer, I think it was quite an accomplishment for a 15 year old to be able to walk gracefully in a shoe size that was almost as big as he was old!

If you see a tall, dark, handsome young man with a smile that causes hearts to skip a beat, that’s my boy! He wore his cap backwards which I kind of liked because I could see his face better. He’s got a great face and he should be proud of it!

My boy is the one with the few manly, scruffy hairs on his chin that he calls a beard. He wore those wide legged jeans with the crotch hanging down to his knees. I am proud that his pants have never dropped, or at least I have never witnessed it. And if they have, I don’t want to know about it. When one wears such low hanging pants, you’ve got to have cool boxers. My boy is the one with the trendy underwear!

My son is the one who would have a plateful of chicken, rice and green beans for supper. Half an hour later he was fixing two hotdogs. An hour after that…. a ham sandwich. Through all of this, 2 quarts of juice have disappeared. And then he has the nerve to complain that we never had any food in the house! Yep… that’s my boy!

Just as I was about to leave work one day, he called to remind me to pick up some food for supper. I agreed to do so and hung up. Before I could get out of the office, the phone rang and it was him again. He said, “did you hear what I said?” I replied, “yes, I will bring home some food.” He said, “I meant the other thing. “ And I said, “what other thing?” “You hung up when I was telling you that I loved you.” I stopped dead in my tracks.  “Yes ,“ he said… “ I called back to tell you I love you.”

That’s my boy… on his way to becoming a man!

(Dedicated today to my son on his  23rd birthday… while he serves his country in a second deployment to Iraq.)   ©2007   dr pers


As my partner says, “almost perfect!”

My partner keeps saying that I’m almost perfect. Imagine! I am beginning to wonder if she’s being sarcastic or does she really mean what she says? (Slowly looking at her out of the corner of my eye.)

When I suggest that she might want to wear something warmer than shorts, sandals and a tank top, she quickly reminds me that she is not a child. However, when she is shivering from the cold and I have to lend her my extra sweatshirt, she says, “how do you know so much, you’re right again!  Almost perfect.”

When we have a little debate about what time we are suppose to be somewhere and she looks it up on her calendar, I am right again. “Almost perfect, ” she says in her sweet Texas voice.  (I’ve learned to hang my head and humbly reply, “it just comes naturally.”)

When we have a little discussion about how much it will cost to replace something, she figures in 1999 prices, I figure in 2007 prices. I hate to say it, right again! “Almost perfect.” (Aw shucks, hanging my head and kicking the dirt.)

Seriously friends, it’s difficult being right most of the time. I don’t purposely try to be “almost perfect”, it just runs in the family!  Sometimes I can’t stand the pressure and make mistakes on purpose. I kind of pretend I don’t remember where something is… just so that she knows I’m “almost” and NOT perfect!     dr pers ©2007


The daughter-in-law from hell…

daughter-in-law from hell…

With one shoe on and one shoe off, my partner was walking back and forth between her walk in closet and the bedroom, fussing about something. Finally in exasperation she said, “I have been looking for my missing sock and finally discovered it’s already on my foot!” I am sure that she must have thought that I took it, fed it to the dryer or to the creature under the bed! Imagine how many things I get blamed for… that aren’t my fault! She hadn’t quite blamed me yet, but I suspect she was close to thinking it!

Her mother blames me for all the hypocrisy of Christianity and the Church for the past 60 years. Something happened in her family when she was young, a policy or decision made by a priest, that caused a lot of bitterness in my “mother in law.” Granted, whatever happened, it likely was unjust. Because I am protestant clergy, she thinks I am responsible for some decision or action made by a Roman Catholic priest 60 years ago! All those pastors and priests are alike, right!?

Unfortunately, her mother isn’t interested in getting to know me as a person. She does not ask questions about what I do, what I am interested in, nothing about my son, etc. She knows that I pastored churches for 15 years… so that puts me into the category of despised, despicable, the daughter-in-law from hell! Oh well, life could be worse… hopefully she doesn’t have to live with us someday! lol  dr pers   ©2007