Category Archives: friendship

My Son’s Bromance

The news this morning carried a short about bromance  and it’s positive effect on men’s health and relieving stress.  I was reminded of the wonderful bromance in our family.

When BJ was about to start Junior High,  we moved to Madison, WI.  After a year of searching, we finally found a small Presbyterian church, where we were both comfortable.  It was in the Confirmation program for young teens,  that BJ met A.M. (AM)

My son collected the small and large GI Joe figures.  He rarely went anywhere without a couple 3.5 inch GI Joes in his pocket.  While he was waiting for me after church one day, he was messing with a couple GI joes.   A.M. spotted this kid with the GI Joes.  As it turned out,  AM also collected GI Joes and thus began the bromance!

There were lots of trips back and forth to each other’s home,  setting up their GI Joes, rejoicing when the other acquired a new one, etc.  It seemed like they would do something together every weekend.  They would haul their tubs of figures and equipment back and forth.

I sometimes wondered if AM had too much influence on BJ.  One time I remember grounding BJ.   AM was giving him ideas over the phone, of what to say to me and then BJ would repeat that to me.   I was livid.  I went right over to AM’s house and of course he sent his sister to the door first.  When he finally came to the door, in my calmly controlled anger, I told him to stop telling  BJ what to do and not undermine me.  The problem was resolved.

My son had trouble remembering the when and where’s of activities.  He might know part of the information but never have the whole of it.  i suppose it was because of ADD or the medication he took.    He never knew when basketball or soccer practice was. He didn’t know the times of the dance,  when Senior pictures were due, etc.   He would call AM to find out.

They would chatter away on the phone and I would smile to myself, hearing the banter, laughing and teasing that went on.  I was thankful that BJ found a close friend that he could count on.   Even though there were girls and other friends throughout high school,  it was amazing that they remained close until they graduated.  Looking back,  I think my son’s teen years were much happier because of this bromance.

BJ went into the military soon after high school graduation.   He and AM would talk daily whenever BJ was in the states.  When overseas,  AM would put together care packages for BJ and his buddies.  BJ’s girlfriend and later his wife,  was the first to suggest the term “bromance” to me.  It was likely an adjustment for her to acknowledge the close friendship the two guys had.

Both friends were in each other’s wedding.  When each friend  has gone thru difficult times,  the other remains loyal and supportive.

After 20 years,  they remain in contact and keep up with what’s happening in their lives.  I don’t think I have ever told AM that I love him. He has enriched my son’s life and I will be forever grateful to him.  Our family was blessed and continues to be blessed by his friendship and thoughtfulness.

Since BJ was an only child,  AM has been like a brother.  This bromance has been a wonderful addition to our family.

A close friendship is downright personal.   ©  2016


Finding new friends…

Ever since my partner and I have moved to a new state and city, we have been aware of the need to find new friends. Approaching our second year of new residence, we have become more intentional about attending events where we might make some gay or lesbian friends.

We found a church we like, so we started attending more regularly. We belong to a couple of email groups and attended a few social gatherings. What have we discovered thus far?

The couples that we have had the opportunity to visit with, don’t visit back! We ask them non threatening questions, allow for a lull in the conversation, give them a chance to ask us something, and zippo!  Zero! After one and two hours of not being asked a single question, we are a bit stunned. Nobody seems interested in us.

So we took an inventory:

1. Did we make eye contact? Yes.

2. Did we ask about their interests, family, jobs, how they met? Yes.

3. Were we courteous? Yes.

4, Were we kind? Yes.

5. Did we smile? Yes

6. Toothless grin? No

7. Did we chatter nonstop? No.

8. Ask about money? No.

9. Ask about religion or politics? No.

10. Discuss Sex? No.

Obviously, we are still looking for friends. We have some more possibilities at the church we are attending, but if all else fails, there’s always straight people. I was just hoping at some point in my life, to have a few interesting lesbian friends. Wish us luck!


Five reasons to love again…

Five reasons to love again…

1. There is always hope. (Even if you’re older and I am a prime example.)

2. Time does heal, give yourself plenty. (think in terms of months and not days!)

3. Not all women or men are the same. (we’re all a little dysfunctional, but do your homework!)

4. There is someone, somewhere, who will appreciate you. (Don’t fall for the first one who winks.)

5. “It is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.” (Alfred Lord Tennyson)

dr pers  ©2007

Unbelievably, I went to a lesbian chat room…

I expected God to bolt me with lightning when I entered a lesbian chat room!

When my hearing loss began to interfer with my pastoral duties, I moved to an administrative position that required less group communication. The move from a pastoral position began to loosen buried thoughts and emotions.  I began to give myself permission to explore what I had long suspected and suppressed for years.

A big question in my mind was, are there other gay people, other lesbians like me?  The stereotypes portrayed in the media were embarassing. The media often shows gays when they are dressed to the extreme for parades and portrays us as undesirable psychos.  I wanted to know if there were other ordinary-looking professional lesbians who valued monogamy, long term relationships, children, God and community?

As I searched the internet, I eventually ended up at a popular chat site.  It was here that I got to know some wonderful, mature women who had simular values and were also looking for lesbian friendships. For several years I chatted with this group.  Along the way, I became more and more comfortable with who I am and self acceptance.

Yes, there are ordinary, stable, moral, professional lesbians out there with similar values!     dr pers  © 2007