Finding new friends…

Ever since my partner and I have moved to a new state and city, we have been aware of the need to find new friends. Approaching our second year of new residence, we have become more intentional about attending events where we might make some gay or lesbian friends.

We found a church we like, so we started attending more regularly. We belong to a couple of email groups and attended a few social gatherings. What have we discovered thus far?

The couples that we have had the opportunity to visit with, don’t visit back! We ask them non threatening questions, allow for a lull in the conversation, give them a chance to ask us something, and zippo!  Zero! After one and two hours of not being asked a single question, we are a bit stunned. Nobody seems interested in us.

So we took an inventory:

1. Did we make eye contact? Yes.

2. Did we ask about their interests, family, jobs, how they met? Yes.

3. Were we courteous? Yes.

4, Were we kind? Yes.

5. Did we smile? Yes

6. Toothless grin? No

7. Did we chatter nonstop? No.

8. Ask about money? No.

9. Ask about religion or politics? No.

10. Discuss Sex? No.

Obviously, we are still looking for friends. We have some more possibilities at the church we are attending, but if all else fails, there’s always straight people. I was just hoping at some point in my life, to have a few interesting lesbian friends. Wish us luck!


6 thoughts on “Finding new friends…

  1. Erica

    Hey there. I understand how you feel, but in a reverse way. As a single, lesbian, it has been very diffcult for me to make lesbian friends. I have joined a couple groups, which have turned out in disaster and has caused me much pain. It doesn’t sound like you two have the problem. Sometimes, it seems like people are more interested in hooking up, having sex, or threesomes rather than making friends- even if that’s not the impression that the other person or couple is giving. I’m not sure what the answer is, but I have been asking myself lately: Should I be looking for friends just on the basis of their lesbian orientation? I do have straight friends, but get lonely and would like some lesbian support, as well. I’m just afraid and leery of joining any more gay groups. Good luck to you.

  2. downrightpersonal Post author

    Thanks for visiting and posting. I am sorry to hear of your disappointing experiences.

    I totally understand your question about “how important is it to have lesbian friends”, yet many of us have a need for support from others like us.

    Could I ask generally what is the age range of the women of the groups you were involved in?

    Please keep me updated on your search for lesbian friends too! dr pers

  3. Erica

    Hey there. The mean age is probably about the mid-thirties. Have you and your partner met couples through mostly groups? I think it is safer to meet people as a couple than a single person. It’s hard to make friends when people just look at you as fresh meat. I have been thinking about starting my own group that is based on some common interest. That way, there is a greater chance of people being there for the right reasons. Good luck to you, too!

  4. downrightpersonal Post author

    We have attended four different groups as a couple, two of those had other couples in attendance. The activities with couples were the most odd that we have ever experienced. Never have we had women who would not visit back with us, ask questions in return, etc. We are in our early fifties, and the others appeared to be in their early and late forties.
    We wondered if our age was a factor. They may be extremely shy, altho they easily answered our questions and freely shared of themselves.

    I think your idea of an interest group is right on. Especially if its something you really enjoy and would normally do with friends anyways. I signed up for an Investment Club
    but there hasn’t been enough others interested for that group to start.

    In the six plus years my partner and I have been together, we have yet to find another couple or two with whom we can regularly get together. We had a delightful friendship with a twentysomething lesbian who was mature beyond her years. She lived three hours from her partner during the week because of jobs. In spite of the 25 year age difference with us, that could have been a gem. Unfortunately, we had to move for employment.

  5. Erica

    Age doesn’t always matter. I have met women in their forties who act like teenagers and women in their twenties who are wise beyond their years. So, what area of the country do you live in? If it’s a town that is not open about homsexuality that may be playing a factor in some of these other couples. I have been considering starting my own writing group. The thing that makes lesbian groups a little tough is that the gay communtiy often travels in the same circles- making it hard to meet new people. Take care!

  6. Pingback: lesbian blog community » From Downright Personal (Finding New Friends)

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